yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
