We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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