just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize