You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
