U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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