It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Shame is for Republicans.
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