just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
