Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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