Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
