i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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