im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
