They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
