More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
