You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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