Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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