Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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