Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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