just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
