Porn is love you can see.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
