Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
