the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
