Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
