I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
