I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
