sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
