singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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