He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
