Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
