my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
i think im in europe. pls send help
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
