It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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