so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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