omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
