have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
