I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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