My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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