I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
