god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
