she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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