mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
