my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
