i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
