I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
