She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
