We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
