For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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