It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
