I am puke
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Too much gin, very little bucket
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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