WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
