I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
