Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize