..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
