He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
