going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
