I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
