Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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