did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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