I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
