When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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