So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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