i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize