Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
