can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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