Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
