We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
