Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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