I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
