Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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