Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
