Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
