You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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