I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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