I want to have your abortion
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
