I should be sponsored by Trojan
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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