you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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