all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We need to get me chipped asap
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
