Did you just see the Batmobile???
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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