: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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