youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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