high people should be assigned attendants
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize